a mother's love
by Juleezy
Summary: The thoughts of an insecure remnant from the time of his creation, reincarnation, and ultimately―rebirth. [Kadaj centric, his thoughts during ACC.]


**A/N: **Watched AC the other day, made me realize how much I love the remnants. It's nice to take a break from romance and Tifa, very different from what I usually write. Feel free to review.

**The thoughts of an insecure remnant from the time of his creation, reincarnation, and ultimately_―_rebirth.**

**a _mother_'s love**

Mother loves me_―u__s._

_**x**_

I am first created by your unquestionable power, and my two brothers appear right after. We injure and kill Turks, the ones who forbid and keep us from you, and we avenge you when we destroy their helicopter. I do this in love for you because_ nothing_ and _no one_ can separate our love.

**. . .**

We are chasing after Brother with the aid of your Shadow Creepers. He won't tell us where you are_―_even when Loz knocks away his sword, even when Yazoo shoots his goggles off. They repeatedly ask, _'Where is Mother?'_

Meanwhile, the inferior being that I am talking to is wasting my time, aggravating me. I want to speak to the President because I know he has you. The chase between Brother, Yazoo, and Loz is boring me, so I end the battle with a flick of my hand. I do this in love for you because we, even Brother, share your beloved cells.

**. . . **

I am finally with the President, a weakling shrouded in white cloth and disabled in a wheelchair. I easily defeat his lackeys, for they are no match compared to our combined forces. Lying is not good, and I enforce my reasoning by tossing two bloodied ID's of his Turks. I can sense his fear, so I worsen it as I casually bring up our Reunion and the fact that we need your mortal remains, your extraterrestrial power. _'We need her,' _I say threateningly, desperately. I do not long to be separated from you much longer.

Our brothers and sisters will carry on your legacy as you live inside all of us. You do so much for us, but we are not enough. We_―me, I sorrowfully think―_are merely remnants, and I know that he has noticed. I kneel down, allowing him to examine my face closely, and I notice that he feigns indifference as he looks. I demean myself in humility in front of this coward as I feel your _one and only _within me. I do this in love for you because you have blessed Rufus, our brother.

**. . .**

I am here in the Forgotten City with all of my brothers and sisters. They all have something in common: your gift of Geostigma. _'Now I shall heal you, and we will go to Mother together!' _We must strike against the Planet, for it is a threat to your plan.

As I walk into the waters, I take pleasure and smirk at my doing, turning the once previous clear liquid into an endless black. I drink the new substance, and it starts to taste like victory, especially after seeing your mark in the children's eyes.

However, Brother has come quite late, intruding our ceremony, so Yazoo and Loz are defending our base with the help of our brethren. _'See this man? He's our big brother, but alas, in our happy flock... he's what you'd call... a __**Black Sheep**__.' _I spit out the words, disgusted at his actions, pointing Souba directly at his face.

Yazoo, Loz, and I all fight Brother. He is easily no match for the three of us, and we win. But before he is rescued by a mysterious shroud of red, we do not kill him. I do this in love for you because we must not slay any of your children, especially one that has known your true _one and only_.

**. . .**

I am with the President again, overlooking the chaos in Edge. Shadow Creepers roam the ground, causing people to run haphazardly while Yazoo and Loz are removing the SHINRA monument, interrupted by the incapable Turks.

Rufus has a question for me, and only I have the answer. He asks a silly question, interrogating me on why I need your precious cells to be whole again, and I answer honestly_―_even if it hurts me.

_'**Him**, he's coming back.' _I can hear the hurt in my voice, and he says the name that I can't bear to even speak or think, _'**Sephiroth**.'_

_'I just, I sense him there.' _I'm stuttering, gasping for breath, suddenly at a loss for words when they have been permanently encased in my brain for quite a while now. _'I-It's **unbearable **to think Mother might want Sephiroth more than..." _I don't dare to finish my sentence because the truth hurts, especially when discussing it with a man like Rufus. _'Poor little remnant,' _he says_. _Every single word feels like a stab in the chest, and I recklessly exclaim to him that it doesn't matter because you shall change the destiny of the planet. _'If Mother willed it, **I** will do **anything**.'_

I summon Bahamut SIN onto the city after hearing his silly remarks about having fun, but it is soon defeated by Brother and his friends. Shock is present on my face when Rufus removes his white shroud, the cloth that was shielding you away from me. _'Mother!' _I exclaim hysterically, and he has the audacity to question my loyalty to you, _'A good son would've known.'_

Enraged, I attack him; but he dodges it, falling off of the destroyed building and releasing you from his grip. I shout your name once more as I also fall off to recover you. Rufus keeps shooting bullets from his gun, and he succeeds as the box that holds your remains is hit. As I safely land, I check on you, and I start wheezing and gasping terribly as you ooze. After, my two brothers and I ride our bikes to escape the horde of people that have witnessed the scene.

Brother won't stop chasing me, but I'm too ahead. I stop in a ramshackle church to check up on you. There is a long gash on the box, and I peer into it. I am happy at finally meeting you face to face. But, that weakling of a man damaged you, and I am drowning in pain as I hug you close to my chest.

_'Motherrrr...!' _Your name escapes my pale lips hoarsely, each exaggerated syllable dripping in agony. Each sob comes out one after the other, and I let out a long scream to lessen the uneasy feeling I feel deep in my body.

However, I must stay calm and passive as I hear the engine of Brother. I giggle and cackle manically in glee as I see him suffering from my attacks, but there is a mysterious pool of water forming in the very middle of the church. It suddenly rises into the air and rains, and it is physically attacking me, wounding me. I writhe and squirm as each drop lands on me. It's making me sick, so I hastily leave.

Brother catches up with me and stops to chat. I happily tell him that you and I are finally reunited, the tone of my voice not betraying my emotions. He asks me what's going to happen next, and I say that you're going to tell me. I am finally joyous because we are now together, but his next words struck something in me, _'I guess a remnant wouldn't really know.' _

I lower my head in misery, and I say quietly, _'So what if I'm a puppet...?' _I feel power course through my veins as I charge the materia in my arm. _'Once upon a time. . . you were too!' _

Brother and I can finally fight fairly, one on one. He attacks with the brunt of his sword and strength while I leap gracefully to and fro and slash playfully. However, I am quickly tiring of this, so I plan to end it soon. I stare at him for a few seconds before I perform a great leap and spiral downwards to attack him, but he is stronger than I expected, causing me to fall and lose Souba while desperately clinging onto the edge of a tower, you in the crook of my other arm.

I can see the end of me, so I go to my last resort. I throw the black box that contains you at Brother, and he slashes it open in reflex. Seeing this, I jump towards the box and remove you from your container, holding you lovingly in my arms as I fall. I can feel _him _appearing, transforming me, so I tell Brother menacingly with a smirk, _'My Reunion. . . bet you're dying to watch.' _

I absorb you into my body. All I can feel is pain, and all I can see is darkness. I do this in love for you, for I shall not prevent your _one and only__**―Sephiroth―**_from appearing, the only one you truly love.

* * *

_**I** will. . . **never** be a **memory**. . ._

* * *

For some reason, I am inflicted with pain as I fall ungracefully to the ground. I feel it everywhere. It hurts and hurts and _hurts _so much, and it is combined with the hurt I have gained from fully acknowledging your lack of love for me.

I can barely stand up, but I try to attack Brother anyway and fail miserably. Despite our past battles and taunting remarks, he holds me in his arms. I am writhing in pain, and I can barely speak as my throat is sickeningly dry. However, I manage to say, _'Brother,' __**―**_even if each syllable is broken, even if I sound like a hypocritical fool.

Suddenly, I hear a voice, and it's feminine and sweet and _motherly. _The unclaimed voice calls out to me, _'Kadaj.' _You have never spoken to me, but I know it is not you. Even if you did, you would not say my name so lovingly but instead disguise your voice in deceit and trickery. You feel and resonate and represent all things of the darkness, but this voice reminds me of light and hope and _pure love_.

I make an undistinguished sound to acknowledge this new found voice as I lay in Brother's arms, confused. The drops of that cursed water is falling onto me again, but it is different. It no longer hurts, and it feels refreshing with each one I feel, kissing my skin. It feels as if it is healing me. She speaks again, _'You don't have to hang on any longer.' _Upon hearing this, the feeling in my fingers return, and I clench it into a fist, finding the resolve to speak once more.

_'Mother, is that. . . ?' _I say it hesitantly and airily, yet I foolishly ask if it's you even though I'm certain it is not. I think... and I think I feel the semblance of a genuine smile on my face for the very first time.

She responds to me again, _'We're waiting. If you're ready.' _More undefined noises of gibberish escape from my mouth, and I feel tears fall out of my eyes. I realize that I am crying, crying tears of joy as I peacefully smile.

I see a delicate hand, reaching out to me, and I can't help but grab it as I her feminine voice echo in my mind. Guilt is creeping up to grab my throat but quickly disappears as a new found sensation unlocked itself from the barriers of my despair and insecurity, settling itself into the vacant spot of my heart.

I was created. I was reincarnated. And now, I am reborn as I reach the other hand halfway, reiterating the only word I have known to love, except I now say it wholeheartedly and genuinely as I dissolve into the Lifestream to meet the real her, _'__**Mother**__. . .'_

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**fin.**_


End file.
